Monday, February 13, 2012

Not Just Dostana..

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you - I had no control over -- Anonymous


Over the weekend I did just 2 things. Watched 'ek mein aur ek tuu' and started and finished reading 'Just friends' by Sumrit Shahi.
Both contemplated on the idea of falling in love with your best friend and in both cases, friendship triumphed over love. It has now led me to wonder and then ponder;
Falling in love with your best friend makes so much sense, but falling in love with your best friend can also leave you with no friend! There is a very thin line between friendship and love. You cross that line, then you are either 'in pyaar' or then you are 'uss paar'!




Hindi films, love dosti etc :
Our hindi film makers have made a LOT of movies on this dosti mohabbat stuff.. always treading on the cliched dialogues like 'Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte' but also 'Pyaar dosti hain'. The treatment is always filmy and the hero/herione if they don't end up with his/her best friend, end up acting like the martyr who does the ultimate kurbani. 'Tumari khushi mein hi meri khushi hain' or 'Pyaar ka dusra naam kurbani hain'.. and everything is then happy doey!


Dil to Pagal hain (Epic example):
A movie which has come real close to reality would be 'Dil to pagal hain' with Karishma Kapoor portraying the rejected lover cum best friend with perfection. It was a wonderfully written role, where she shows all the signs of jealousy, anger, ignorance and attitude towards the best friend's lover. She stops talking to her best friend, runs away from the situation, even tries to make him realise what he is losing and what is her importance in his life.. but in the end when she sees that her friend never saw her in that way and truly loves this other woman, she accepts their love with no hatred. She values her friendship more than her love.


SRK's role also portrayed the friend who is not in love with the best friend beautifully. The friend who doesn't start distancing himself from her, but instead cares for her and feels bad becuase he has hurt her feelings and because he can't reciprocate in the same manner. He blames god for making her fall in love with him, but him with another. Instead of cutting her out of life, he too takes the high road and lets the friendship remain unaffected.


If One would be SRK, it would be awkward because all along he knows how his friend feels about him. But if he were her true friend, he would sincerely hope that she would move along and find the best man for herself.
If one would be Karishma, she would respect SRK and Madhuri for the love they share, give them their space, and if at all someone would want to love her, would try to think about him.
And very importantly, if one would be Madhuri, she would try not to let any jealousy or ill possessive feelings, jeopardise her beautiful relationship with her lover, or his relationship with his best friend.


Should you really tell your best friend how you feel about him/her? :
I feel one should always tell anybody(sensible) if we have those kind of feelings. Never leave anything to 'what if' and let fate decide it. I would do whatever I could and then handover the reigns to fate.


But if it is your best friend, most times the normal signals (always being around you, calling you and wanting to spend time with you) can be confusing! But nevertheless things are anways going to be awkward. You will never be the same, around that person, would not be able to appreciate any guy/girl she/he likes. You would always be jealous, and miserable all the time.. and very importantly your friend would figure out something is really wrong or even worse he/she would guess how you feel for him/her. So a better bet would be, to express what you feel but with caution..And whatever be the result, appreciate your relationship as friends, Love your friend, but never make her/him regret anything.


Real Life situation and a difficult outcome!
Moving on to a real life situation, my very close friend fell in love with her best friend. Her best friend ignored her and distanced himself from her, when he realised this. She lost her love and her friend, ending up being depressed for days.
     She always asked me why? not why, he didn't love me, but why did he stop speaking to me? If he could live for days without talking with me, then was he really my best friend? Wasn't I not imp enough in his life?
     For the guy's part. He felt: The more I spoke to her, the more she would fall in love with me.
The hope never dies unless I marry someone else, and currently I don't want to end up hurting her more.
     And as for me, yes hope never dies and yes she still somewhere wants you both to end up together,
but one cannot let friendship die and make her suffer right? Either ways she is the one who is suffering, but if you would talk to her, at least she would still have her best friend na? You are the love of her life, but it is still YOU, who she needs right now to help her get out of it. Don't be her lover, but don't ever stop being her friend!
Things did iron out finally for them. He started speaking to her after some 7-8 months and she eventually got over him (or not ?), but things are not the same. The knot in the relationship still exists. Somewhere in the corner of her mind, there is still a memory of the times when her friend was not there for her when she needed him the most.


Fairy tale mush:
And lastly, for the happily ever after best friend love :-)
If the friend also reciprocates in the same manner, there is nothing like it na! You have fallen in love with the person who knows everything about you, with whom you have shared the darkest secrets of your life, who knows you better than you do and who is now ready to love you, just as you do! Fairy tale ending!


And the question:
And as for the fact that can a guy and a girl be just friends? Well, I think that the scale will never be balanced. There is always one out of the two, who in the corner of their heart nurtures the feeling of 'what if it is more than friendship?'
What do you think?


PS: This post has no relevance to the V day tomorrow. The idea of just one day for love, doesnot make sense to me!

38 comments:

  1. I dont think a girl and guy can be best friends and still dont have feelings for each other..atleast one of them will definitely have it..

    about spoiling of relationships due to it then I still dont understand how people can erase you from their life just because its easier than sorting things out.

    Anyways thats part and parcel of life..but the person who gets hurt in this will surely think twice before even trying to be friends with any new person.

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    1. Agreed, running away is never an option.. It actually shows how much you valued(or didn't value) the friendship..
      The last line is very true. After one set back, one always treads those ares with caution! Thanks for the comment Ash!

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  2. Nice write up Jenny!
    After seeing movie 'ek mein aur ek tuu', I also felt, in friendship of a boy and girl, one has feeling which is more than just a friendship.
    And so sometimes I also feel 'A girl and boy can not be just a friends'.
    But if feelings are cleared between them then it's up to them if to continue friendship. As shown in movie boy agrees to be her friend and if he is not going to be upset after seeing her for not being with her as her lover then only friendship would continue.
    On the other hand, if he is disturbed by seeing her and not able to move on then there is no use of continuance. Better to stay away to forget things easily ..
    It works both ways :)

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    1. Yes you are right. It depends on the person and how strong he is, or rather who he wants to be more happy, his friend or himself. Works both ways :-)

      Thanks for the comment chols!

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  3. it's great.. i admire the way you tailor the whole writeup ... such conviction... :)
    really nice.
    I am definitely going to share this with my best friend :)

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    1. Thanks Vijender! When you say you want to share this with your best friend, do you mean you like her, or she likes you?? :-P

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    2. i knew something like this was coming... :)
      frankly, we are collectively not into such a situation but definitely this article will help both of us handle it if the need arises in future :D (collectively or seperately)

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    3. Honored Virender, if this post helps :-) Cute!

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    4. His Best friend Loved it too:)...Awesome write up...And yes a guy n a girl can be just friends or may be more than that but not particularly love....Our frndship can be taken as a Live Example for tht:)

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    5. ohh, so you are his best friend :-) If at all there is a part 2, a special mention about u guys is guaranteed :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

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    6. Yep:) Thanks for tht special mention...even if there's no part 2 to this, your thought of makin a spl mention abt us made us happy:)

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  4. Very intriguing and well written post! This is the age old question, isn't it? How can a guy and a girl be 'just friends'-- and usually if they get closer than that...doesn't it inevitably run into other areas? Ah...I, for one, had so many 'guy friends'- NOT boy friends- just guys who saw me as 'a little sister' :)...so I think, Yes, a girl and a guy can be good friends...however, one day I had a 'guy friend' who turned into my BEST friend...and now is my HUBBY and now I have NO more close 'guy friends' :) ...because I only need ONE.

    I've always felt privileged to be married to my very best friend- however, this friendship only developed after we were already married, since we hardly knew each other when we got married. So - love can grow, right?

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    1. Sister friend is a new category, where once you have proclaimed your friend as your sister/brother, the love factor just vanishes :-)
      There is a story for this category as well, where 2 friends from school, supposedly bro and sis types best friends were the talk of the school. Reason? The guy never really thought of the girl as his sister and really loved her. But the girl never noticed, becuase for her, he was just the bro! I now wish I had added this as well to the post! She is married now to a diff guy, and still treats her friend as the bro! the friend ofcourse was heart broken :-(

      Also, a lot of people have best friends who are their spouses and as you have mentioned, most of them have developed this friendship after the marriage. I think that is the most sacred of all! nothing like to have someone as your love first who then becomes your bestest friend! Thanks for the comment Anjuli!

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  5. Lovely post Jenny,

    It reminded me of the the movie 'My Best Friend's Wedding'.

    There are situations when a guy and girl are best friends but they dont eventually fall in love. I've one such friend and we are like brother and sister.
    And then I've seen situations where in the best friends fall in love with each other and have to separate due to family issues. This is where both of them lose the love of their lives and the best friends too.

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    1. The bro sis category :-) Just typed an extra long comment in reply to Anjuli's comment. Both of you pointed out the same point!! :-) and I completely missed that!

      My best friend's wedding.. ahh I love that.. and I think Julia roberts character was so REAL!! Thanks for the comment Aditi!

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  6. Hmm , I cannot diffrentiate between the two myself ! But then , isn't friendship a kind of love too ?
    Ahh ..too complex to resolve . Let's just let love take it's course :)

    Ps - Imran Khan's butt is a bit over-rated .What say ? ;-)

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    1. Friendship is kind of love too, but not the kind between 2 lovers :-)

      True about Imran Khan's butt! and I am still not sure, why did we have to have the drunken marriage stuff in the movie???
      Thanks for the comment Akshay :-)

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  7. I think they can be good friends only if they have their lovers already. Or else, love is bound to happen.
    Nice introspection...

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    1. yes, either of the 2 are going to develop those inevitable feelings, if they dont have someone else.. Thanks for the comment Saru!

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    2. Here again the jaane Tu Ya Jaane na thing will come up :P he he he... nah... I was just thinking that these things have been highlighted by ourhindi movies so many times and yet we never noticed. :P

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  8. well-articulated post Jenny. so clear & convincing.

    hmmmmm ok now i wonder what i think abut this one? not sure!!!! but i agree with what you said in the post & also with what Saru said above. looks like i have no ideas of my own on this very interesting topic :((

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    1. Love friendship relationships..This topic has baffled me as well :-)) Thanks for the comment :-)

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  9. lovely lovely post :) almost forgot about that movie Dil To Pagal Hai

    i can see one Binani Cement post :D. ll come back and read that.

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    1. Heyyy! Thank you so much for visiting :-) yeah dil to pagal hain.. a lot of people hate that for SRK, but it is a good movie :-)

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  10. Nice post Jenny, a worthy read and especially for those one best friends who might be or might not be lovers in future because one among them has feelings for the other. About love, I have a different take. Love is one and its just that we have made it into different types or kinds.

    About your best having feelings for her best friend, I feel if it is to be blamed then either both or neither of them. Why means, I completely agree that if you have feelings for your best friend, then it's good say it. But the guy might also be feeling awkward. Every time both of them talk that thing will be there at the back of both of their minds. I do feel sorry for the girl, but can't blame the guy entirely.

    Well I have a friend, she is a girl and a best friend of mine. I am very sure that guy and girl can be best friends. I talk to her as if she is guy friend of mine. We are pretty comfortable with each other. I have one suggestion, even if a guy and girl who are best friends, but don't have feelings, I feel its good to ask a question to oneself, What if she or he has a feeling..?? What would I do..? So by thinking pro actively things will work out more smoother when something like this actually happens...:) Loved reading your post...Cheers..:) Sorry for the long comment....:)

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    1. Your reply went to the spam! retrieved it back :-)

      True, Love is one, but it is the relationship which changes the definition. Your relation with your mom is different, than with your bff or with your wife, but yes you love them all.

      Yes, the guy would feel awkward, but if you don't say it, you are going to be miserable and eventually so will your friend.

      I really admire the friendship between the both of you, and even if it turns into something more, may everything turn out to be just right! and yes I am 100% on being prepared part, and look out for those special signals!
      Thanks for the comment so much!!! Matters a lot!

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  11. It all depends on the situation. And Back to the age old question, i do feel that yes, A guy and a girl can remain friends, but I'm quite sure, at some point of time, one would definitely have feelings for the other!

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    1. We think alike :-)) Thanks for the comment Ashwini!

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  12. Hey yesterday I had posted a comment, but don't know why it is not visible...?? It was a long one, need to type it all again...

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    1. ohhh :-((( Please do type again, awaiting!

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  13. for question ,
    there are no rules to live life until you are making some for you...

    nice read...

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    1. Thank you for visiting my blog and for the comment :-)

      One just falls in love. Something which is beyond the control of any rule..

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  14. Hmmm..your post made me think..I have given up on this whole love thing, friends, not friends, "almost on the verge of being lovers" friends, all kinds of people exist..Everyone has a different story, you have to accept and move on..

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    1. Thank you for the comment and the visit :-))

      True, acceptance and moving on (although easier said than done) can makes matters a little less complicated..

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  15. WTH!!! you have a blog???? and now I see SuJu, Sahana & Chintu here...such a shame I wasn't even aware u wrote..but blame it on you .. you signed in with your fb account on my blog ..how would I have known about this blog O_O

    Ok so it is mission reading Perky Hours today :D :D... loved this post especially the line..Falling in love with your best friend makes so much sense, but falling in love with your best friend can also leave you with no friend... so true :) :)

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    1. :-)))))) oh I never realised I signed onto your blog using FB!
      Thank you sooooo much for the comment and following.. yayy yippee :-)))))) Totally motivated!

      and yes, Sujatha, Chintan, Suruchi, Saru, Sahana and SUKU, the blogger puff girls :-))

      Me on twitter, but I have never tweeted yet! Am on FB, but I keep deactivating that due to my mood swings :-) Current status-> deactivated!

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So what do you think?